I sure have, but it’s not going to ruin me this time.

I woke up today feeling like I had been hit by an oncoming vehicle, and my thoughts wouldn’t stop spinning. I used to try to pray these thoughts away, attempt to block them out, or go back to bed trying to drown out emotions; trying to rest in peace. This only delays the inevitable heartache- for intrusive negative thoughts need to be released somewhere rather than swirling around in my mind.

As I read the Bible this morning, I became very grateful and in awe over what I read. The Bible has such beautiful wording and style that I am enjoying it for more reasons than wanting to find truth. It’s a brilliant piece of work that transcends time. Some verses that resonated with me today were:

Psalm 139:5–145 Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. 7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? 8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. 9 If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; 10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. 11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. 12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. 13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

This verse reminded me of how near God truly is during each and every one of our situations. I know that there is no point in hiding from God. The more I absorb God’s message of love and forgiveness, I also realize that there is never a reason to try to hide from him. If we are in trouble, he cares and wants to help us get out of our mess, even though we usually created the mess ourselves. I truly can’t count how many times I have asked God to get me out of a mess of my own doing. He has never failed me. Sure, things went much differently than I wanted, but in the end, I know that He knows best, and I need to keep going.

What an amazing concept, to know that the God of the universe, with infinite power, could love us the way he does!

Psalm 135:7

He causeth the vapours to ascend from the ends of the earth; he maketh lightning for the rain; he bringeth the wind out of his treasuries.

When I read this, I thought, well if God can do all of those things with no trouble, I know he can take care of me as well. I trust in the one who makes the lightning. I would be a fool not to. I would rather be in God’s good graces than risk becoming one of his enemies.

Luke 22:66–69

66 And as soon as it was day, the elders of the people and the chief priests and the scribes came together, and led him into their council, saying, 67 Art thou the Christ? tell us. And he said unto them, If I tell you, ye will not believe: 68 And if I also ask you, ye will not answer me, nor let me go. 69 Hereafter * shall the Son of man sit on the right hand of the power of God.

I wonder how sick Jesus got from having to try to convince people that what he said was true.
I know that in my own life I have suffered from the agony of people not believing me about various things, very hurtful things. I have been rejected, felt unloved and betrayed so many times I am surprised that I am not as bitter as a crabapple. Though I don’t have bitterness, I have a sense of loss and hurt that can’t be filled by anyone on this earth. Only Jesus can provide the comfort I seek.

Even though I hurt, and even though I am angry, I know that my anger is not without a cause. I know that my heart is in the right place, and I know that someday I will no longer be affected by others actions toward me. I can love my enemies from a distance. I won’t be mentally and emotionally assaulted any longer.

Jesus understands how I feel, for not only did he go through a horrendous, painful journey of his own, but he also knows my every thought, every hurt, and every hidden thing I may be hiding from others just to stay sane.

Jesus knows, and Jesus cares about me, and he cares about you too!

Even if you feel like God is hovering over your head with a giant glare, just know this isn’t true. I have felt that way so many times, and still even now have to remind myself that any untrue, negative thoughts or ideas about God come straight from the Devil. The Devil is a liar and the father of lies. His main goal is to destroy your soul- please don’t let him win.

Call out to Jesus today wherever you are at and whatever you are going through. Ask for his help and guidance and see how he shows up for you. I double-dog dare you…. Just kidding. Jesus loves you, and Be blessed!

During times of trouble

During times of fear

During times of heartache-

Instead of running toward destruction

What if instead

We chose to open up and read

the truth of how to handle

all these things we face-

Finding the answers that we seek

Within the shadow of His wings

By His mercy and His grace

Writer, Wife, Mama to many. My book of poetry, "Wandering Through the Darkness" can be found at https://tinyurl.com/yaos7vp3 Visit me at Misfit-believer.com

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